Last night was pretty fun. MDC was invited to go to the Power98 Power Jam 2005 competition & I had a great time with my colleagues watching our local bands perform & compete. Congrats to winners B.A.R.B & runners-up monofone. Personally I thought monophone was better but heck, that’s my opinion.

Listening to all these bands, I realized that musically, there isn’t a huge disparity between the bands as they all can pretty much play their songs decently. And I’m speaking from the point of view of a normal someone who doesn’t have the supersensitive musician ear to hear the different quality of notes played. (Something some of my insane colleagues in MDC can do) But what made those 2 the top 2 was definitely their showmanship. They managed to invoke enthusiasm in an originally sober crowd, and groove the bounce into the people of zouk in a way the others bands couldn’t. In fact B.A.R.B did all that a little too well for one of my colleagues as she was jumping around all over the place, and knocking into everyone. Damn… the bouncers should keep a cage for these people.

So after a late night out with thousands of other happy people, I struggle out of bed the next morning at a much too early time in order to go to work. As I spend my usual waking moments with the Lord, some thoughts invoked by the memory of the previous night come floating in. People respond to certain bands better than others, partly due to their songs, mostly to do with their charisma. Would this be the same in a church context? For those who know me, I am heading the music ministry in Barker Road youth and frankly it is not very happening at the moment. Would the same youth, who stand like statues every Sunday morning in Barker road respond similarly to an enthusiastic, charismatic band?

Some people believe that only the Holy Spirit and Him alone can invoke someone to worship God and that you can worship God no matter how bad the music is. Well, ya that’s true provided you are all hyped up & dying to worship God from the start, like my friend yesterday who was dancing & showing us all the mambo actions before even entering zouk. I am becoming a believer to the idea that God realizes & uses the power of good convincing music played through a good convincing band. He knows it is powerful & has the ability to bring life to those statues thus helping them to enjoy praising Him. So my view is that the band is needed to get the people in the mood and the Spirit meets & touches them in that mood, making the experience real & not just an emotional rara.
Haha, how biblical that view is I have yet to confirm but for now, my experience & logic backs me.

So that means unless proven drastically mistaken, I’d better start hitting the jamming room =)

What a beautiful morning, the sun shining brightly into my room. I roll over in bed a couple of times and give a contented stretch, yawn & smile after a good nights rest. I think to myself “What a pleasant way to start the morning”

Then I take a look at my swatch

SHIT 8.30!
SHIT I’m friggin late
SHIT the sun is damn bright
SHIT I need to SHIT
Half way through the process
SHIT no toilet paper
SHIT I won’t describe what happened next

Then I grab my ‘bak chang’ & purple water bottle & move as quick as lightning like my Tekong compatriots to the trusty backdoor of Chancery Court (the only reason why my home is considered ‘of good location, near to the MRT station’). I insert the key and turn, but it does not turn. I flip the key around and turn again, but it does not turn (Which is actually quite a retarded move now that I am thinking about it as the key is symmetrical). I do this about 10 times, flipping the key and turning until I finally look up and see a sign in miniscule font pasted on the door
“lock is spoilt” SHIT

So I take the long long way thinking about why don’t they leave the gate open if the lock is spoilt and how many different ways my boss would kill me if she knew that I was still at NEWTON when work started.

The 167 must have been turbo charged along with nitro cause somehow it got me outside Nee Soon Camp in what I believe was 15min. But that’s where the change of luck ended. I step out of the wonder bus to the wonder of water falling out of the sky. SHIT

Well at least I made it to the office alive and stayed alive after apologizing & explaining my series of unfortunate events to my boss.

I guess the only really good thing that happened is that when I got to the newton bus stop there was this reasonably attractive woman sitting there alone. Courage & wit decided not to be my friend that morning and thus I did not try to talk to her. And just as well, with my winning luck of the morning, the conversation would probably have gone like this:
“Hi, late for work too?”
“Ha? Dui bu qi, wo don’t speak English”
“SHIT”

Hmmm...now what does it actually mean to give all of yourself to a cause?
Does it mean to spend every single waking second of your mind, strength & energy either thinking about it or doing something that adds value to whatever cause it might be? Basically, making it what your life is about?

A good example would be Rafael Benitez, the Liverpool FC manager, he who spends all his waking moments trying to make Liverpool into a winning team. Quoting from soccernet.com he "once described himself as a 'loner with a lap top' due to the amount of time he spent alone masterminding tactics on a computer - he is obsessed by football, and by his job". I read he even discusses tactics & watches Liverpool match tapes with his wife before they go to sleep. Come on he even talks about it in his sleep!
That’s hardcore man, giving your life to a cause. If that’s what I got to be like to give my life to God, gotta admit, I’m pretty far off =P

The closest I’ve been to Benitez was probably how I was when I was totally nuts over this girl. Whenever I was not doing anything active, almost every resting thought would be about her or how to get to know her better etc. Sometimes even when I am doing something else, such thoughts intertwine together with what I am doing, or something like that la, I'm sure you all would know what I'm talking about. But my life still operated normally, and I could go about doing my tasks without compromise. So still not quite like the psycho Liverpool manager, as she did not really become what my life was about but oh well.... I think something to that effect would be a good start.

Now then problem would be, how am I to imagine God in a skirt. Lol

Contentment & fulfillment

2 things which I want, however 2 things which I can’t seem to get. Does chasing of latter bring the former? yet that only sounds contrary.

I love having fun & experiencing new things. Be it getting a new haircut, firing an M16, or learning to drift my car, experiencing something cool & new to me is what I’ve been living for. But then, that fulfillment only lasts a moment, and discontentment sinks in once again until I find another shirt to buy, toy to play with, speed limit to break etc.
Here’s a personal example. I love approaching girls that I do not know, or at least believing & imagining that I can. It is something driven more out of the sense of challenge than the sense of physical attraction, and that challenge is what brings the fulfillment. But this chasing comes from a lack of contentment in the first place, and the success of “fulfillment” only drives the discontentment further.

Fun? Definitely. Fulfilled? Content? Hardly…

The only way then I believe, would be to obtain both at once, but where and what in life gives you that?

Some people tell me God can give you that. I myself am a believer in Jesus Christ, thus making me a Christian. I should consider myself a pretty decent one at that too. I serve in church, read my bible & pray everyday. In fact I’ve been doing this for about 1 1/2 years & have no regrets. Having a relationship with God has given me identity, confidence, peace & security knowing my life is taken care of.
But contentment? Fullfillment? I’ve yet to enjoy that from this Relationship.

Yet somehow, I believe it’s the only way that I may obtain both together, nothing else seems to do it. So this is what I’ll do: 1 month till my birthday, I’ll put all my thoughts, strength & heart into living for Christ and I pray, when I turn 20 heaven will give me 2 presents - Contentment & Fulfillment

It begins today…